I Cannot Forgive Myself
by listentothesewords
Summary: Story about the romance of Sam&Emily. Written for a CBP fanfic contest.


I Can Never Forgive Myself.

This story is not for the weak-hearted, the sad minded, or the sadistic. This is a story of true love, and how fateful evil can either kill it or make it stronger.

I met Emily years ago, today is our 5th anniversary. It has nearly been 7 years since I scarred her life and mine.

Let me place down the simple facts. I met Emily in the spring of our last year of high school. We both live in the Quilete Reservation in La Push. It was love at first sight, she was more beautiful back then than anything I'd ever seen, skin coppery and smooth, eyes piercing and dark. She was amazing, and in my eyes, still is today. And as soon as I met her, I knew she was the one. Her personality, she was made loving and caring, her heart extended to all those who met her. Even those who didn't deserve it. Those like me today. I never deserved her love, but yet I was the one she gave it to the most.

We were married during the summer, the summer where we both were 21. It was a simple wedding, a traditional one of Quilete customs. There were only family invited, which meant the entire tribe, we were all family here. It was amazing, marrying the most glorious woman ever, one deserving to be with an angel.

She helped me and my friends through many problems. She helped Jacob with his volatile relationship with Bella, from the nearby town of Forks; she even helped Embry with his girl troubles. Her heart had no end.

Oh… yeah, there was one more fact I've forgotten to say, this one about me. Emily was the only thing that helped me through this. I'll say it like you could brush it off without thinking. I am a werewolf, I turn into a big hairy dog as soon as my blood boils hot enough. It was this fact that had scarred our lives, about a year into our relationship.

I hadn't told Emily of my new "condition". You see, a little after puberty, the men of tribe, at least those with the bloodline, begin to change. It all starts with uncontrollable growing, followed by running a normally gravelly fever, and finally we change. We become creatures, monsters if you will, meant to protect the world from cold ones, bloodsuckers, vampires. I know the existence of vampires seems farfetched, but it has been told in our stories of the clash of our clans. Wolfs and vampires. Filthy leeches.

Well, it was hard to conceal my secret from Emily. I loved her, and wanted her to know. I'd been working for weeks on a way to. I knew I loved her, so I had to tell her.

I had debated everything, where to do it, when. My mind had spun with questions. Until I came up with the perfect solution.

_**Sam, there's got to be a way. Where would she be comfortable? Where would she be able to understand? Bring her to the place where you two met. The river. Remember? She was washing her face, just enjoying the sun and the warmth of outside, and you found her while you were hiking? Take her there. She'll understand. She loves you too.**_

I had brought her to the river, "our place". The place I first met her, the place I first kissed her. This place had memories.

"Emily, I need to tell you something," I had said.

"You know that you can tell me anything."

"Ok, this is going to sound weird, but I feel I owe it to you, seeing I love you and all."

"Sam, please get to the point."

"I am a werewolf."

"Are you serious?" She had looked as though I was entertaining her, trying to fool her. She looked slightly insulted.

"Emily," I had taken her hands, and looked into her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. "I would never lie about this. It is a part of my life."

"I can't believe you Sam. This is just too extreme."

I remember myself being confused. Usually, Emily was **too** understanding. Now when I was trying to be entirely serious, she wouldn't believe me. It had started my temper slightly, but not yet enough to start me.

"Love, I wouldn't lie to you. PLEASE, believe me."

She had turned from me, as if to walk off, and my temper really started to flare. _Why couldn't she believe me?_

"Emily!"

"Sam, I can't believe you're still trying to make me believe you!"

That moment right there is the moment I am least proud of from my entire life. I snapped. I started to shake. My blood rushed. I grew 5 inches from my already 6'4" frame. Hair exploded from my skin, paining me tremendously. My bones contorted, and I became the monster I was.

Emily turned one last time to see me. Her eyes grew wide, and she screamed. She started to run, and I ran after her.

"Emily! Wait!"

She stopped, as if to turn to me. My eyes softened as she walked slowly towards me, trying to find the human Sam's face in the one of the creature in front of her. Once close enough, she extended one hand to my face. I had looked into her eyes, but they were hard. She looked ready to kill. I had never before seen this look on my soft angelic Emily. Why did she feel angry with me?

"Sam, I can't believe it…you're a …you're a m-monster."

A monster was what I had become. What I was. Anger built up inside of me, but not from her, she was understanding, she was being caring and reaching out to me. She didn't deserve me, no one did. I was mad at myself. But I couldn't control it anymore. I lashed out.

And she took the blow.

_(today)_

I reached across the bed to touch the sleeping face of an angel. She was more beautiful than ever now, her skin glowing in the rising sun. She lay on her side, as had become custom now, so as not to show me the mauled side of her face, so as not to strike guilt in my heart. An entire half of her face was ruined, scars covered the entirety.

The hardest part had been explaining it to everyone but the elders. The elders knew what I was; some of them had once been too. But everyone and anyone else heard she was attacked by a bear. Some story of lies to cover up the truths of our tribe.

For the first month after the "incident" Emily barely talked to me. She ignored me. But then she realized what I had put on the line for her. She came to me at the beach and we reconciled.

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

She was strong with me.

I was strong with her.

We were one.


End file.
